October ’17 – I See Light.

I wonder what’s harder…

Battling your self-hatred

– or –

Battling your demons?

But what if your demons are rooted in deep self-loathing?

Or what if the demon is straight-up self-hatred at it’s core?

Then what? How can you win?

At this point, what does winning even look like? Not how is it achieved, but what does my victory look like at this point? I’ve been so focused on the external, so driven my self-deafeatness and disgust that I’ve twisted what “winning” is. Winning has been all about my weight, acne, and subsequent beauty… but is it really?

What really matters?

What if winning is loving myself enough to fight the demons and push through apathy?

What if winning is about finding peace in the Lord?

What if winning is stopping to breath, without anxiety, and loving nature?

What if winning is about being inspired to find movement?

What if winning is simply about learning to love in all situations – stress or no stress, myself and others.

What is winning is just about balance?

What changes?

Nearly everything changes.

I am NOT a victim.

My past has shaped me and I was in situations out of my control, but now…

Now, I am a fighter.

A victim can’t see light.

I see light… and it is bright and it is strong.

This can’t be won by me all though. God has to be in it – I have to allow him to be in it.

It is time for my demons to sleep.